The waiting never ends ....

I have been waiting all day to find out what time Derrick's flight is. You would think that the US military would have their shit together a little better but they don't. What a relief it will be to have him home safe. I'll post and let everyone know what time he got in.

The return ....

Derrick is finally back in the US of A!!! He will be at Ft. Benning in GA for a few more days and should be home in time for the weekend. I am planning on a welcome home at the airport, I'll e-mail everyone as soon as I have flight info.

Countdown

It is hard to have an actual countdown since I still do not have the exact date Derrick will be home, he suspects it will be in aprox two weeks! I will be contacting friends and relitives when I have an exact date, I would like to have a group at the airport to greet him when he gets off the plane.

bitter ... party of ....

I just read my last post, looks like I was a little pissy. The end is very near and I am feeling a lot better. Derrick should be home sometime between October 8th and the 15th or so. He has to go through a few places before his final destination home here in Columbus, OH. Everyone keeps asking me "are you excited?" and I would say more than excited, I just feel more calm and relaxed than I have in a long time. Derrick is my comfort zone. He is the factor in my life that makes everything feel safe and normal. I am ready to get back to my normal life, more ready than I have ever been for anything.

things are getting tough

It has been a bad week and it is only Tuesday for fucks sake. I don't really know what has happened here lately but all at once this whole thing seems a lot harder. I have come full circle and am just pissed again. I miss my husband, I miss my life. Fuck, I am lonely and I hate it.

Trip

Germany was awesome, we had a really great time just enjoying each other’s company and traveling around the countryside. I have so many beautiful pictures.

As suspected the trip pretty much took me back to square one with missing Derrick, basically every second that ticks by he is on my mind. Not that he was absent from my mind before, now it just aches again. It is a little easier knowing that I am only staring down about four more months. I can remember at the beginning of this process that 13 months was an incomprehensible number of days, like the end of that time would never come. We are over the hump and entering the home stretch ... these next four months can not possibly go fast enough.

Heading out

I am leaving this Thursday to fly out and visit Derrick, his R&R time has come and we are meeting in Germany. I will be able to spend 15 days with him, I am really nervous to fly alone all the way to Germany but it is worth it. I'll post when I get home about our adventure.

Birthday Bla

I have been really sick the last week or so, my birthday was on Monday and even that was a bummer. Some friends and I went out and had a little pizza party Monday night but I think that everyone else was having more fun than me. I was still feeling pretty cruddy and just really missed Derrick.

Speaking of Derrick he is doing well, he is very busy at his job, he has started a fishing club and will soon be playing on a softball team. I am glad that he has some sense of normalcy there, not that it compares to the luxuries of home but that there are many soldiers that have it much worse.

Easter Basket

This weekend I am taking off to Lima to spend the weekend with my parents for Easter. My youngest brother Wade is speaking at his church on Friday so I will be home the whole weekend since the family Easter dinner is on Sunday at 2, and I don't want to miss either. One of the things that Derrick always loved about going to my parents house for Easter was that my mom always made him a little Easter Basket, it just cracked him up. I will have to make sure to get him a basket together and send it out on Monday. It is little things like this that I miss about Derrick, how he is such a kid at heart and how much he loves it when someone embraces it.

I know, I know ... it's been forever.

So, I am way worse at posting than I thought I would be.

To get anyone who cares up to speed, I have been out of town a few times visiting friends. I went to San Francisco to visit Julie and Ramji with Adrian a few weeks back, we had a really great time, just drinking and eating "white trash food" (pretty much anything with potatoes or cheese or the combination of the two). Ramji took us on a tour of Berkly that nearly killed me, the twists and turns and up the hill down the hill ... we literally had to stop the car so I could get out, I am really surprised that I didn't puke. Other than that it was a really fun trip and I can't wait to go back when Derrick gets home. I have been out to visit twice and still have yet to see the Golden Gate Bridge, Derrick thinks that this is completely ridicules, but I keep telling him that I want to wait and see it for the first time with him.

Then this past weekend I went to Ft. Laturdale with my brother Jake to hang out with Matt down at his condo time share. What a drunken blunder that was. Pretty much from the time we woke up until the time we crashed into bed I had a drink in my hand. Unexpectedly, it was SPRING BREAK 08 down there and all I can really say is wow .. it was a running joke between Matt, Jake, and I ... at any given moment one of would just yell out SPRING BREAK! it was a really fun time, I will defiantly be talking to Derrick about buying into that time share. Today is the first day that I actually feel recovered from the trip.

I purchased my plane ticket to go visit Derrick in Germany, I will be taking off May 8 and returning May 24, I am looking forward to the trip. I have come to terms with missing Derrick and I think that this is going to rip that wound wide open but I would never miss the opportunity to see him, the trip is so close that it is what mostly consumes my thoughts.

all is well on the home front

It has been some time I know, sometimes I feel like I am just becoming numb to this deployment, and there is not really anything significant to say. I miss Derrick all the time but in a dull empty pain kind of way. When I am feeling the absence the most is really mostly at home when I don't have anything to do or nights when I can't sleep, then I am painfully aware that I am alone. Not having him around to listen to my, what seems to be lately, constant bitching (mostly about how much I hate the winters here in Ohio), sucks too. One thing that Derrick is really good at is tuning me out, without me thinking he is doing it.

Derrick seems to be in good spirits, we are both starting to get really excited to see each other in May, we are trying to finalize our plans but it looks like it will be around May 10th-24th or so. I am really excited and just really can't wait to see him.

I was out with some of the old gang on Friday and had a ton of fun. Sometimes I feel guilty about having fun because I know that Derrick is missing out. His biggest complaint about being over there is that he is bored and misses hanging out with friends. I can't imagine how lonely and icolating that would feel. With the exception of missing Derrick my life is pretty much the same as it was before he left. I feel this 400 days for him is more like a prison sentence.

time

Time does not make this process easier. One would think that as time goes by it would get a little easier, sting a little less. Not the case friends. I have come to find that time, is an enemy of mine. Days pass by as if I am trying to run under water, more than that, some kind of viscous jelly-like goo. This is not to say that I am doing bad, because I am not, I just really miss my husband and I would do or give anything to bring him home.

Busy

I never ever thought that I would be this busy while Derrick was away. It always seemed to me that all of my extra curricular activitys revolved solely around him, apparently not. My days are moving quickly but I still can't believe that it has only been three months. I think that this deployment could be somewhat compared to a break-up, there are stages of grieving. Currently I am at a level of acceptance, not that this does not change week to week or even day to day, for the last few days I have felt good. But, for example, last Friday was not good. It seemed as every second ticked by there was a tiny little razor running across my heart. I did what I always do and got drunk, very drunk. Some people will use alcohol as a catalyst to help them bring forth emotion, I use it to dull it.

That last sentence made me sound like an alcoholic .... should I worry?

Na! Drinks anyone?

still alive

Laptop still dead.... working on it ... busy as hell! Keeping my head above water! Missing Derrick, as usual. Job is bogging me down, I will be back on-line shortly.

Love you all!

Problems ...

So my laptop took a dump and that is the reason I have not posted in so long. I am doing well and have not plunged into some pool of depression. I am hoping to have the laptop up and running in a week or so, until then I will probably not post much.

Christmas was fine and New Years was fun, of course I missed Derrick but I miss Derrick everyday so it was not much different. Tonight I am putting on Christmas for the in-laws, what a treat that will be, oh well, anything is better than Hometown Buffet.

Anyway, like I said can't post much until the laptop is repaired, but after that I should be on track again. Call me for a drink anytime....