Thanksgiving without Derrick

Wednesday after work Jake, Jen, and I went to Lima to hang with the 'rents for Thanksgiving. Wednesday night we played games and had some beer, a good time that could have been immensely improved by Derrick's presence. Derrick loves my parents house, it is all fun and games there and Derrick gets to be himself (a 13 year old boy). Thanksgiving dinner was awesome as usual and then the all girls took a nice long nap while all the boys dished about football. Thursday night we all went out to the garage, which is really a party house with pool table and a bar, it's also heated which is a plus, the family horsed around out there until pretty late. That was not quite as much fun as it usually is since Derrick was not there, and mostly because my drinking partner, my cousin Sherri, is pregnant with twins. I am so glad that she is pregnant she has been trying a long time but it sure does put a damper on MY fun. Friday Mom, Jen, and I went a bought a bunch of crap to make some Christmas decorations and that took up most of the day. After that is was off to the Legion Hall for some beers. Good times ... hey, it's Lima, what can I say.

Overall it was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I got to talk to Derrick on Thursday for awhile and really I was pretty busy the rest of the time. Getting past the holidays I hope will not be so bad, I have friends and family around me all the time, and that is something I need. I am lonely and miss Derrick all the time but I am really trying as hard as I can to make lemonade.

I am cranky today, I miss Derrick today more than most days, there is no real reason, that just happens sometimes. Today is cold and dreary and wet, it all makes me want to curl into a ball with blankets and sleep for the next 361 days.

Game day and Girls night

Sorry no posts for the last few days, I had friends in town and was busy with them. Friday, Sexton and Julie taught me how to play poker a skill that would later prove to be important. Saturday of course was the OSU v. Michigan game, a nice hearty win, not too exciting just glad to have a W in that column. Derrick called after the game but it was too loud in the bar and I missed the calls. As much as I try to tell myself that there is no way for me to go a year without missing a call, I still feel like crap when I do. During the game I was preoccupied with, well the game, and drinks and friends but afterward I could not help from feeling lonely, surrounded by people I love and yet still very alone. I have come to understand, in the month that Derrick has been gone, what people mean when they say "he or she completes me", and that may sound phony but it is true. I have a constant feeling that something is missing.
After my grandpa passed away, my grandma would complain about being lonely even after she had just had lunch with a friend or a movie with a family member. The family would complain, "Gosh, grandma is so needy, she has more dates with friends than any of us and she still crabs about being alone" Now, I fully understand that loneliness does not fade while you are with others, it is just more prevalent when you are actually alone.
Saturday after the game a gaggle of people piled into Sexton's apartment for some poker, I played all night and ended up with about $18.00 to show for it, not too bad for the first time. It was a really good time, we drank and laughed and, of course ate bacon. Sexton is always good for some cards and bacon. After drinking for a solid 12 hours, it was time to retire home for some much needed slumber. It pretty much went like this since Julie and Ramji arrived, Thursday: drunk, Friday: drunk, Saturday: extra drunk, Sunday: Waffle House!
Last night was the first monthly girls night, it was at my house and ended up being a really good time. We played catch phrase and I think even Keri had fun, as reluctant as she initally was. We had a ton of food, hours'dovers are my speciality, basically I am Cher from Mermaids. Beer, wine, and delicious dirty martinis, what else is there, really. There were 11 girls total and I think that everyone enjoyed themselves. The crowd thinned a little after 10 o'clock and the remaining girls played a few rounds of Right, Left, Center. Man, I love that game, next time I will have to remind people to bring their own quarters/dollars. A very fun night overall.

The last few nights I have not been able to sleep, I was flipping channels around a few nights ago and caught a snip-it from the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose, many of you may know I am a total scardie cat, when I was younger I used to get scared and go sleep with my younger brothers. Up until the movie snip-it I was sleeping pretty well, I am hoping this will fade soon. One of my brothers is living downstairs but I don't really think it is acceptable for me to get in bed with him anymore, especially since his girlfriend lives there. I have volleyball tonight and will hopefully work-out after that so maybe I will be so tired I will sleep through the night. Keep your fingers crossed.

the last few days ...

Tuesday was a better day, we lost the game but the team was good and it was a fun time. Our team went out for drinks at Plank's and of course we all took it too far and got too drunk for a "school night", I was thinking of Derrick and how would not have approved staying out until last call on a weekday and how had he been there with me, Wednesday would not have been so painful. Wednesday evening I went and had dinner with my sister-in-law and we had fun chatting, when dinner was over we went to a little store called Deals, everything in Deals is a dollar, so tell me how is it that I walked out of there with $50.00 worth of crap. I have issues.
Currently I am at work and it is not much fun at all, my system is down and there is nothing for me to do. When I am not busy (and even sometimes when I am) my mind wanders to Derrick and how much I miss him. Daily life without him really sucks. It's not hard, just a little painful, sometimes a lot painful, sometimes down right unbearable. This morning when I was showering I was thinking about how much fun Thanksgiving always is, my family always has a big production and it is really just a ton of fun, then all at once I realized that Derrick would not be with me and I got really upset. Sometimes I think that this is a practical joke, like at any given moment someone is going to jump out in front of me and say "SURPRISE, you're on Candid Camera!
The next few days are going to be good ones, I have some great friends in town from California and I can't wait to spend time with them and the rest of the old Brian Brou's gang. I love all of those friends very deeply, it is a very strange bond that we all hold. I mean really, we all met in a bar, a bar that closed down. But to this day we are all friends and that is something to hold onto. I guess when you find the people you are meant to be with there is just a glue that holds everyone together and distance and time is not something that will dissolve the bond. Hell, I met Derrick in a bar that that worked.

Over the Weekend

On Friday I went to Bar Louie for lunch with my co-worker and we had a good time, our food took over an hour to get to us but we had a nice time chatting and getting to know each other. Then I hit the road to Lima to see my parents, we went out and had some beers, we had fun, as usual. Saturday we mostly laid around (apparently the going trend of my life) and watched football, the OSU game was a heart-breaker. After the game I drove back to Columbus to go to Arlete, my cousin's wife's, surprise birthday party. The party was an awesome time but everyone got way too drunk way too fast, it was almost ridicules. Sue and I were in awe over the how many "light-weights" there were, it was amazing. Then Sue and I ended our evening with breakfast at TJ's, nothing but the best! Sue stayed over and on Sunday we got up got some breakfast (again) and did some shopping, there was a great sale at Kohl's and we both made out pretty well. Sunday night Jake and I took Derrick's car to Derrick' brother's house to have the window fixed, if there is anyone out there who wants to buy a 2001 Ford Focus let me know! Then we made some home-made vegetable beef soup that was really good. I was thinking that since I did not have to work today that I would go out and have a beer or two last night but I didn't, everyone else had to work today and I did not want to go out alone.

As I sit here now on my day off I really miss Derrick, I finally have a job that gives all the holidays off and I have no one to share it with. How lame. I have days when I think that time will go fast and this will all be over before I even know it, today, is not one of those days. Tomorrow will be busy with work and volleyball and more than likely drinks, so tomorrow will be a better day.

In

It seems that I am back "in" with the telephone God's, I was able to talk with Derrick for about a half hour this morning. He said that he is doing well, he says that he has it pretty good compared to many others so that is something to be thankful for.

I miss him, BAD. Things are getting a little easier for me, day to day is going a little faster and I hope that continues. I have been keeping busy, last night was my first winter volleyball game of the season, we won easily the other team was new but it was fun. Derrick usually plays with us but my brother Jake is filling his shoes this season.

Not much else to report, I can't even remember what I did on Monday, the days are running together.

calls

It seems that the telephone God's are against me. I missed a call from Derrick this morning while I was in the bathroom at work and I sent him an e-mail praying that he was still in his office begging him to call again. As I was waiting for him to call all of a sudden my cell phone beeps like it has a message and it was HIM! My phone did not even ring, the only thing I can think of is that he tried to call again while I was calling into voicemail to check the first message.

I cried, and cried, and cried. His message said that he will call tomorrow. I will be going to the hospital tonight to have my phone surgically implanted in my head.

Over the Weekend

Well Friday after I missed the phone call I was pretty upset and depressed so I did not eat much, I had some erronds to run and was over by one of my old haunts, Woody's. I decided to stop in and have a beer, ran into an old friend and drank a few. Then I met up with Keri, Chad, Matt and his gal Jen, and had a few more at Brazenhead. Well apparently that was a few too many because I puked my guts out on Saturday. I was in charge of making all the Jell-o shots, hard task when you are hung-over, but the task was completed and as usual the shots when over well at the party.
Derrick was able to call on Sturday!! I was feeling terrible and laying in bed but I was so happy to have heard from him. He said that things are going okay but that he is living in a tent city for the time being and will not get his tralior for a few weeks. He said that his job is good but that they have to work seven days a week, gruling if you ask me, but I guess there is not much to do anyway. I have his address and if anyone wants it please contact me.
Jake's Halloween party was on Saturday night, I have pictures but am still not able to locate that USB cord, I may just have to buy one. I will get those loaded asap. It was a really good time and there were some really cute costumes. Renee', a good friend from back home, stayed over and she and I laid around the house and took naps and watched a movie, it was a nice relaxing day.
So far I have not heard from Derrick again, I hope that he will call soon, he told me not to panic if I don't hear from him so I won't. I did get an e-mail that is better than nothing, and at least I know that he is okay.

phone call

I had a meting for work this morning that was quite boring. As I entered my meeting I looked into my purse to get my cell phone to put it on silent and realized I left it at home. I thought nothing of it other than it was a relief that it would not ring while I was in a meeting. As I was driving home I realized that this would be the day I may get a phone call from overseas. I drove faster and faster growing anxious, I pulled up to the house, I threw the car in park, ran up the stairs, ran to my phone, hastily opened it, and there they were 2 missed calls from and unknown number. My heart sank, as I dialed the pass code to listen to the message I started to cry and when I heard his voice from so many miles away I knew that I would never forget my phone again. In the message he said that he should be able to call tomorrow, and now I wait. This is going to be the longest 22 hours of my life.

Baghdad

When I came into work this morning the first thing I did was check my e-mail and there was an e-mail from Baghdad! Derrick has made it to his final destination. He said that it was dusty and he was tired but that he had made it and will be able to call me in a few days. I am so happy and relived that he is there safe, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off of me and I can breath a little easier.